In case you’ve lost track, my dog Pete, who’s been dead lo these last two years, has been asked to apply to a for-profit institution of higher learning and to buy a new car at Miller Chrysler Dodge Jeep. And yesterday, the good people of Mealey’s Furniture kindly wrote to inquire about Pete’s luck:

The good news is that if Pete were alive and wanted to know how lucky he was, he could, as the note suggests, Find Out Now! The bad news, however, is that Pete’s luck ran out a little while ago, so I’m hesitant to open the card. Because what will I find? A luck-o-meter reading zero? A clover with no leaves? Dirty Harry Callahan drawing a gun?

The world, I suppose, will never know.